Sometimes when you’re in a relationship that is going really well, you’re in the moment, thinking that this person is absolutely, one of a kind, or not even dating material. Sometimes you think, “I could never feel like this with someone else!” or “How can someone like that give me the companionship I need?” Or “Someone somewhere is right, and they aren’t going to put me down.” These are all very common thoughts, and they are very common in most situations.
But sometimes these thoughts don’t go away. Sometimes you still feel them while your significant other is away. These are usually the thoughts that create a tenets of doubt that will create a negative thought pattern and an uncomfortable feeling. But what is a HUGE dating situation? A situation where you are so completely certain that this person is right for you, that your myths about your self, coming from your limiting and unhelpful past experience.
What is a HUGE dating situation?
When you enter a relationship and it feels like you are settling, you immediately start to find fault in your significant other. Even before he or she has done anything to cause you to think this way, your inner voice will be sending a chain of ideas down the center of the well. These thoughts include “If we are not married, then how can this be a relationship?” or “I can’t possibly end up with someone who will not commit after we have been together for a year, because this person can not commit because it’s not his or her nature!” or “This person is not the same person that I fell in love with, so how can he or she treat me in the future?” Or my personal favorite, “If my significant other was not married, there would be no one else like her or him. How do I make sure that I don’t spend the rest of my life alone?”
I have heard all of these thoughts thousands of time. In my work as a psychoeducational coach, I see that many people spend their whole lives feeling inadequate, nervous, insecure, alarmist, obsessed, helpless, and afraid because they spend a great part of their existence worrying about their relationship. And when they are in a loving relationship and the drama is at its peak, many people let it control them so that they never get that chance to be in a truly authentic relationship.
It is important to note that just because these feelings come up with a clear head doesn’t mean that they are right
I am a huge believer in allowing the process of falling in love to take place in a safe and uninvolved manner. It is during this process that we are able to truly realize the beauty of the other person, as well as realize the beauty of ourselves. This requires that you get out of your way and truly Balance your emotions. I have heard it said that love is savored and not given. Generally, when someone gives you love, it is meant to be given freely, and primarily from a place of selfless giving without an expectation for return. When you find that your lover is not forthcoming with how they love you, then you need to explore your reasons for wanting to have this person in your life.
Is it their fault that they aren’t loving towards you? Was it your fault that your significant other isn’t communicating? Did you feel as though you were doing all of the giving when in fact you were only receiving (I’ll share more about this below)?